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Henry Lau is never anything less than absolutely, stunningly gorgeous.
Henry Lau is not inferior to anyone. He is superior to everyone.
Even Chuck Norris.
It is both physically and emotionally impossible to not love Henry Lau.
Nobody hates Henry Lau. "haters" are only people who do not have enough heart and brain capacity to handle the immense amount of love they feel for Henry Lau, and therefore some of that love has to move into other areas, confusing the person and making them think that they hate him or slightly dislike him.
Henry Lau does not have fans or groupies.
Henry Lau has minions and concubines.
Henry Lau is the definition of everything.
Even negative things, because when Henry Lau is the definition, it is never negative.
Henry Lau is the ruler of the entire universe and beyond ever.
He has his own dimension which overrules all laws of everything.
It is called Winland.
Winland is situated right next to Finland in the 17th dimension.
The 17th dimension exists because of Henry.
Henry Lau is so great and awesome that even Winland does not win against His Lauliness.
Never venture into the depths of Winland before engaging in a preparation course of twenty years. And even then, you must still wear the regulation Lauprotection gear and be extremely careful.
Nobody can be within 5 kilometres of Henry Lau without full body and eye protection without melting completely. And no, not just 'melting' as in the fangirl way, but physically melting. Including bones.
As ELFs, EFLs and Strings, we all know that all Super Junior members (a.k.a Henry's 14 favourite concubines) and SM staff etc all wear appropriate protection when meeting and being in contact with Henry Lau. Unfortunately, however, the lives of many new staff have been lost due to the melting off of faces, some especially careless ones melting completely because of the utter awesome that is Henry Lau.
They have all been revived and healed now, though it did take a very long time to get back into their original shape because they were silly and unprepared and therefore deemed unworthy of the full power of healing by the Great Lau.
Henry Lau can cure anything just by glancing in that general direction.
Even ugliness.
Henry Lau does not break things. They simply crumble and/or explode under the gentle but shockingly awesome touch of Henry Lau.
He is only shockingly awesome because nobody can be prepared for Henry Lau.
Henry Lau is never at fault. It is always the fault of the other - whether it another person, an animal, or an inanimate object. They obviously just cannot handle the Lau.
Even when it doesn't seem that way, it is only because the Laugod has planned it that way. - in order to be kind and level himself down to the standard of us mere mortals.
On the 11th of October, 2009 (Which we all know was the Laugod's 20th Birthday), Henry Lau's official celebratory cake was not smashed into His holy face. The cake was drawn towards his face like a magnet, and unfortunately, destroyed.
Henry was once a successful businessman. However, due to scheduele conflicts, He had to hand over His business to the next most capable owner. This owner is now known as "The Sun".
Although, Henry Lau is still technically the owner because He is the owner of the entire Universe and beyond.
If you have 5 apples, and Henry Lau has 5 apples, Henry Lau has more. Every time.
Henry Lau is relevant. Always.
Henry Lau can lick his elbow.
Henry Lau can sneeze with his eyes open.
Henry Lau can breathe underwater.
Henry Lau can speak every language ever in the/His entire Universe.
Everything belongs to Henry.
People do not do things at the same time as Henry Lau.
Henry Lau is always first.
Various miracles have happened while Henry Lau's music played.
An ecstatic minion and previous non-believer said: "At the sound of the first note of the Laugod's henwin, my crippled grandmother of 98 years got out of her wheelchair and danced around". Another said that "When I played a recording of His celestial voice, all of my dead house-plants sprung back to life, bright green and flowering". And there is still more evidence of Henry the Great's lausome, a 7 year old child, previously both deaf and blind, was "In utter awe, because when an image of His godly face was shown in front of my eyes, and his phantasmagorical musical talent was played in my ears, My blindness and deafness were cured. I then found a video with His paradisiacal presence in it, and I caught my goldfish crying because of the win".
Henry Lau does not die.
Henry Lau takes breaks from Earth for a few generations at a time because if He were constantly here, the world be unable to handle all the osm and Lauliness that is Henry Lau.
And of course, Henry Lau has to pay attention to all the other universes and dimensions that he rules, which is all of them.
At concerts and fanmeets, Henry Lau protection is given out at the entrance. Non-believers who are uneducated about Henry Lau's osm suffer intense full-body melting.
Luckily though, we were all born with a thin layer of Lauprotection, for unpredicted and small doses of The Lau, such as photo viewing and tv program watching.
The Official Henry Lau Minion Organisation also sends us this important piece of information:
For safe Laugod viewing -or any sort of contact, no matter if one sided or not- always use Lauprotection gear!
Lauprotection gear cannot be reused, make sure you have at least three foldable sets in your purse/wallet/bag.
Do not deny the Lau: He has power, and has the choice to use it. He doesn't even need His faithful instruments; His violin and bow, because He also has physical strength on His side (of course, everything is on His side), stored in His trusty Henguns.
Henry Lau is also the only person who can roundhouse kick Chuck Norris, easily.
You do not want him on your bad side.
Henry Lau defies the laws of human anatomy.
He can limbo under 30 centimetres, casually with space to spare for his hands.
The only thing that The Great Lau has not done absolutely successfully is tone down his sex appeal. His sex appeal is just too much.

To conclude, I will leave you with His wise quote:
"Bitch, please."

Let us marvel at this methodology of life.
All hail the Laugod, Henry the Great, Big H Rollin'

Follow His Lead, Henry Lau is all you will need."

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July 2012
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