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Anchor [Oneshot]

Title: Anchor
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kaisoo
Warning: veryslighthinted!abuse/bullying
Disclaimer: I own the plot only.
Summary: Kyungsoo has so many stories. Jongin has nothing to tell.

He never really engaged in what was going on. The world went by around him easily, slipping past him without any great impact. Every now and then he would slide back into reality, worry and anxiety seeping into his thoughts, noticing all the little things that he would have missed, before dipping right back into the clouds.
He never really cared about anything as he drifted through his days, morning and night blurring together without alarm. Emotion hadn't ever overtaken him; sure, he'd shed tears, he'd laughed, but none of it really meant anything to him. His body simply put on an act.

He's still in a period of haze as he walks down the lonely streets of his town, kicking stones lazily across the pavement. Wind sweeps through his hair as he rounds the corner, and reality bumps quietly into him again at what he sees.

The world is a terrible place.

This is the conclusion he comes to when he watches silently as a boy climbs out of the dumpster, heavily bruised and beaten up.

I am a terrible person.

This is the conclusion he comes to when he sees the tear-stained face, covered in cuts and dirt, and realises that his emotions have no reaction. No pity, no sympathy. He feels nothing for him. He still walks towards him and helps him up, though, because now the boy has seen him looking, and his body puts on it's automatic facade of kindness.
The boy has dusty black hair that he hides behind, and wide, brown eyes under dark lashes.
He tries to smile and look friendly but he's not sure how it's working.

The air is thick between them as they stand there after the short initial contact, arms dangling lamely by their sides.

"What's your name?" He decides to say, trying to break the uncomfortable tension.
"Kyungsoo", he says, in the smallest voice that he has ever heard.
"I'm Jongin."
Kyungsoo nods a tiny nod of acknowledgment before dropping his gaze back to his feet.
"Do you live near here? I can walk you home." Jongin says, feeling it pointless to just leave now.
"Y-Okay."


Somewhere between awkwardly shuffling away from the dumpster and arriving at Kyungsoo's front gate, Jongin discovers that he has grown feelings. His smile is no longer uncomfortable on his face when he bids farewell, and his words no longer painfully forced out of his mouth. They exchange full names and phone numbers and Jongin thinks that Kyungsoo's voice has gotten a little bit louder, that he's standing a little bit taller, and that just as he leaves, there might have even been the tiniest little tug at the corners of his lips.

Jongin considers them friends.

-----

Kyungsoo tells him about his family, his school, his life. He starts off vaguely but ends with detail, his eyes red, hands trembling and clutching his knees. Jongin hands him a box of tissues and wraps his arm around his shoulders. Kyungsoo has so many stories, so many events and so many characters. The first one he tells Jongin was the first one he remembered, the earliest one; and he continues chronologically. Listening to the dates, the ages and the times that Kyungsoo tells him, he always thinks that the next one might be the last - the last one until that day by the dumpster. But it’s not. There is always something else, something else that lead onto this, that lead into that.

-----

Sometimes Kyungsoo asks Jongin about his life and his memories, quietly and cautiously and Jongin wants to tell him like Kyungsoo has told Jongin but he can’t, because he doesn’t remember, he doesn’t know.

Kyungsoo has so many stories.
Jongin has nothing to tell.

Jongin still goes to school and Kyungsoo doesn’t. Kyungsoo stays in the corner of his house as his family fights, and Jongin stays in the back of his classroom as he thinks about Kyungsoo. He slips out as soon as the bell for dismissal rings to hold Kyungsoo, to hold and listen to him until night comes and takes him instead.

Sometimes Kyungsoo turns to Jongin after he’s finished one, looks up at him through wet lashes and Jongin feels his heart beat louder and faster than it should, and he kicks himself internally for wanting to kiss Kyungsoo’s entire face.

He’s been through enough trauma and devastation for three lifetimes, Jongin thinks one afternoon, leaning against the side of his bed with Kyungsoo leaning into him. His shirt is wet from Kyungsoo’s tears like it always is and he holds him tighter like he always does, rubbing slow circles over his shoulders and back until he feels Kyungsoo’s breathing ease and his muscles relax. Jongin lies him down in his lap and places a hesitant kiss over Kyungsoo’s forehead when he thinks he’s asleep, before sliding his eyes shut and letting the clouds take him too. Kyungsoo’s face is pink.

-----

It’s been almost a year of stories and spilled memories when Kyungsoo gets to the end; when he gets to their beginning.
“And then I met you”, he says to Jongin, his voice fading and his eyebrows crease a little in apprehension and he seems to expect Jongin to tell him to leave, his huge explanation for their tiny meeting over, Jongin’s curiosity fulfilled.

Jongin kisses him instead.

It’s salty and soft and warm and everything Jongin has ever dreamed of as Kyungsoo melts into his arms and smiles into his lips, hands threading through hair and gripping at shoulders and damp fabric. Jongin smiles too.

Kyungsoo's life is far from fixed, it's far from pleasant or easy but maybe he can still be content. He can still be happy.
He's better now, Jongin thinks, and his own eyes are brighter, and his own smile is wider.

Kyungsoo's stories and memories have bled into Jongin like they are his own. He's less empty, less blank. He feels more like a person now, a real person.

Kyungsoo doesn't hide anymore.

Jongin knows exactly what is going on.


-----
A/N: my first fanfic ever i'm sorry it's so crap D:
but um yeah i actually wrote it for this school thing about tolerance and understanding and "what the world needs now" but i had exo in mind (as always lmao) and at the very start it was going to be baekyeol and then i was like no and i sort of just left it for a while and then i came back and turned it into kaisoo.......
yeah anyway let me know what you think if you bothered reading it, it's like unbeta'd and everything because i just idk this is embarrassing OTL (so tell me if there's anything i need to fix)

Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
kaidol
Jul. 11th, 2012 12:39 pm (UTC)
Hey uh, I've usually been a silent reader but I thought this was really good! I could really identify w Jongin throughout the text and aww kyungsoo reminds me of an ADORABLE BALL OF FLUFF that qtpie. Good attempt!! /thumbsup
theultimatek
Jul. 11th, 2012 12:45 pm (UTC)
omg thank you for reading and commenting ;A; //flails yay
i mean really can i like hug you or something djflsdfjsd just :'D
kaidol
Jul. 11th, 2012 12:49 pm (UTC)
hahahah! YES YOU CAN /hugs if you need a beta in future just drop me a mail/however LJ works okay! Though judging by your writing you probably don't need one. :3 KEEP ON WRITING BECAUSE iloveyourwriting. yup, END VERBAL VOMIT. ^^;
theultimatek
Jul. 11th, 2012 12:52 pm (UTC)
dasldfjksdfsdjlkfj okaay
i shall note that down in my brainpad for future reference :3
//supersquishyhug thankyouuu

Edited at 2012-07-11 02:33 pm (UTC)
kaidol
Jul. 11th, 2012 02:37 pm (UTC)
No problem~~ (^3^) /squishyhugsback
starsthatlast
Jul. 11th, 2012 12:40 pm (UTC)
:') I really like this! The tone, Jongin starting to have feelings and saving Kyungsoo from the loneliness the poor boy has to endure. Awesome work! Thank you for posting this!
theultimatek
Jul. 11th, 2012 12:45 pm (UTC)
ghggjgdkjs my feelings thank you
kimmdee
Jul. 11th, 2012 01:18 pm (UTC)
WAAAAHHHHH THIS IS ONE OF THE SWEETEST THINGS I'VE EVER READ
apart from that sudden change of mentality that Kai had (transistions are always had to fit in), everything else flowed very nicely!
your descriptions are really great and you captured atmosphere well
good first fanfic :)
theultimatek
Jul. 11th, 2012 01:31 pm (UTC)
omgg thank youuu :'3
and yeah lol originally i had like a really tiny word limit so i had to cut out like heaps of stuff and then i just forgot how to put it back in lmao
so thank you for commenting~ ^^

Edited at 2012-07-11 01:33 pm (UTC)
meryisintheair
Jul. 12th, 2012 02:26 am (UTC)
This was soooo damn sweet!! thanks a lot cuz i was in a serious need of fluff ^^ you're a very good writer so keep up the good work :D
theultimatek
Jul. 12th, 2012 04:27 am (UTC)
oh yaay thank youu :D
i'm glad that you liked it ^^
xxchildoflight
Jul. 12th, 2012 05:31 am (UTC)
Photobucket OMG FLAILING XDXD my little dongsaeng, unnie is proud :P Congrats on the first fic!! As you know, I get fairly emotional about many fics but restrain the feelings and stop them from physically showing. Lemme just say, I was like Photobucket the whole time. I mean, KYUNGSOO SHOULD HAVE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE FILLED WITH MAGIC, RAINBOWS AND FOOD, NOT ABUSE ;A; Photobucket Photobucket So many feelings,. You did so well with that, seeing how it was originally a stupidly confined school task. <3 chuu~
theultimatek
Jul. 12th, 2012 05:45 am (UTC)
WWHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 谢谢, 姐姐~~~~~~

/awaits your stories impatiently/
dozitao
Jul. 13th, 2012 01:08 am (UTC)
you did it good!!
kaisoo needs more something like this.
to much kaisoo with angstI just can't........ ;________;
thanks for writing this!
<3
athasshirabu
Jul. 14th, 2012 06:09 pm (UTC)
Really? This is your first fic?
Omg you did great!
It's sad actually, but it's also sweet~
Bullying fits Kyungsoo just right, no offense ^^;
I liked it, thanks for writing ♥
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )